Why Marriage is No Longer About ‘Log Kya Kahenge’?

Parambrahma Tripathy

It starts with that quiet moment of realization - when you understand marriage shouldn't feel like fulfilling an obligation, but like finding your person in a world of endless faces. This fundamental shift in perspective explains why young Indians today are approaching matrimony differently than any generation before them. The latest National Family Health Survey (NFHS-5) data reveals a telling story - nearly 30% of Indian women and 35% of men aged 21-29 remain unmarried, marking a significant increase from previous decades. In metropolitan areas like Delhi, Mumbai, and Bangalore, the average marriage age has steadily climbed to 28-30 years, reflecting deeper societal transformations that go beyond simple statistics.

Education revolution primary catalyst

The education revolution has been the primary catalyst for this marital transformation. According to the same NFHS-5 report, women with 12 or more years of education marry nearly 5.5 years later than their uneducated counterparts. But these numbers only tell part of the story. Behind each statistic are real people making conscious choices - the 27-year-old architect in Mumbai who wants to establish her career first, the 29-year-old social worker in Chennai who values his independence, or the 25-year-old PhD scholar in Delhi who isn't ready to compromise on her ambitions. They represent a generation that sees marriage as one important life goal among many, rather than the singular definition of adult success.
Technology has dramatically rewritten the rules of romantic connection in our country. Dating apps have given young Indians access to potential partners far beyond traditional family networks and community circles. A 2023 study by the Indian Society of Marriage Counsellors found that urban millennials now average 18 months of dating before considering marriage, compared to just 3-4 meetings in traditional arranged marriages. This isn't about casual relationships - it reflects a genuine desire to find deeper compatibility before making lifelong commitments. The digital revolution has democratized romance, allowing connections based on shared values and interests rather than just caste, community or family reputation.

Pragmatic reassessment of marital timelines

Economic realities have forced a pragmatic reassessment of marital timelines across urban India. With skyrocketing housing costs in cities (the average rent in Mumbai now consumes 40-50% of a young professional's salary) and increasingly competitive job markets, marriage has become a financial consideration as much as an emotional one. The average urban Indian wedding now costs between ₹20-35 lakh - more than many young people earn in multiple years. But beyond these practical constraints lies a more profound philosophical change - today's youth view personal development and emotional readiness as equally important as financial stability when considering marriage. They're asking not just "Can we afford to marry?" but "Are we ready to build a life together?"
The shadow of previous generations' marital struggles looms large over today's dating landscape. Having grown up witnessing the silent compromises and unspoken resentments in their parents' marriages, millennials and Gen Z approach the institution with both caution and optimism. A 2022 survey by the Family Welfare Association found that 68% of unmarried urban Indians aged 25-35 cited "wanting to avoid their parents' marital mistakes" as a key reason for taking more time to choose a partner. This careful approach doesn't indicate a fear of commitment, but rather a deep respect for the gravity of marital bonds.
Modern definitions of marital success have undergone a quiet revolution across India's urban centres. Where once practical considerations like salary, family reputation, and domestic skills dominated matchmaking criteria, today's couples overwhelmingly prioritize emotional connection and mutual understanding. In counselling sessions across the country, young couples now speak less about societal approval and more about personal fulfilment - finding someone who appreciates their quirks, respects their independence, and shares their core values. As a 31-year-old school principal from Jaipur explained during a marriage counselling session, "I'm not looking for someone perfect, just someone who understands my imperfections and loves me despite them."
The traditional Indian wedding industry itself is adapting to these changing expectations. Where once parents controlled every detail from the matchmaking to the mandap decorations, today's couples are increasingly taking charge. Wedding planners report a 40% increase in couples handling their own wedding arrangements over the past five years. Pre-marital counselling sessions, once rare, have become commonplace in urban areas. Even the rituals are evolving - many modern Indian weddings now blend traditional ceremonies with personal touches that reflect the couple's unique story.

Workplace vs changing marital norms

While traditional expectations persist, especially in smaller towns and rural areas, even conservative families are gradually adapting to these new realities. The once-ubiquitous question "Shaadi kab karoge?" is increasingly met with thoughtful responses about personal readiness rather than defensive excuses. This shift reflects growing acceptance that marital success depends more on personal happiness than societal approval. Progressive parents now proudly share stories of how their children found partners through work, travel, or shared hobbies rather than through traditional matchmaking.
The workplace has emerged as an unexpected catalyst for changing marital norms. As more young Indians - particularly women - join the workforce and delay marriage, offices have become spaces for organic connections to form. Human resource departments across India's corporate sector report a significant increase in inter-caste and inter-faith marriages among employees. These relationships often develop over years of shared professional experiences rather than through the formal introduction of traditional arranged marriages.
The psychological impact of these changes is profound. Mental health professionals report that young couples today enter marriage with more emotional tools than previous generations. They're more likely to discuss mental health, seek counselling when needed, and establish healthy boundaries within relationships. This represents a significant departure from the "adjust and compromise" model that dominated previous generations' approach to marital problems.
Regional variations in these trends reveal India's complex relationship with marriage. Southern states like Kerala and Tamil Nadu, with higher literacy rates and greater gender equality, show more pronounced delays in marriage age. Northern states are catching up, but at a slower pace. Urban-rural divides remain significant, though smartphone penetration and increasing education access are beginning to bridge this gap. A village girl in Uttar Pradesh with a smartphone now has visibility into how her urban counterparts live and love, planting seeds of change even in traditional communities.

Partnership isn't about finding perfection!

What emerges from all these changes is a new paradigm for Indian relationships - one that values emotional intimacy over economic security, personal fulfillment over social conformity, and mutual growth over traditional roles. In a country of 1.4 billion people, finding genuine connection requires patience and courage. But when it happens, it's unmistakable - not through dramatic declarations but in countless ordinary moments of understanding, respect, and acceptance.
So to all those well-meaning relatives asking about marriage plans, here's what young India wants to say: We think about marriage more deeply than you might realize. We're considering not just weddings but lifetimes together, not just societal expectations but personal happiness. In this world of endless choices, we've realized that true partnership isn't about finding perfection, but about discovering someone who makes life's journey more meaningful. And that realization, more than anything else, is worth waiting for - no matter how many questions it invites from curious aunties.

Parambrahma Tripathy is an author and Communication for Development professional with over 18 years of experience. He has worked with organizations like BBC Media Action, Landesa, The Energy Policy Institute at the University of Chicago, IPE Global, and Coceptual Media. He has been recognized with several awards, including the prestigious Laadli Media and Gender Sensitivity Award in 2022 and 2023, Best Lyricist of the Year in 2022, Dr. Radhanath Rath Fellowship for Journalism, Kalinga Literary Youth Award, Timepass Bestseller Award, Srujan India Youth Award, Utkal Sahitya Samaj Felicitation and Odia Yuva Stambha Samman(2023)

(DISCLAIMER: This is an opinion piece. The views expressed are the author’s own and have nothing to do with OTV’s charter or views. OTV does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.)