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Overnight, psycho analysts have sprouted out of nowhere! And it is raining sermons since Wednesday night!! Self-appointed experts in dozens have started pontificating on the phenomenon called suicide. Social media is flooded with their pearls of wisdom on the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of it. Worse still, a dead person is being publicly tried in absentia. Questions are being asked of a person who is no more in this world to answer them. The tragic and heart-rending suicide of journalist Madhumita Parida has brought out the sheer heartlessness and the utter insensitivity of large sections of the social media users’ club. At the same time, it has also brought out in stark relief the ugly voyeurism of the so-called ‘mainstream’ media that revels in making a public spectacle of an intensely personal and private affair.
Make no mistake. There has been a genuine outpouring of grief at the loss of a young girl in the prime of her youth from friends and acquaintances, which is perfectly understandable. As are the condolences expressed by many journalists at the untimely loss of one of their own. But what really gets one’s goat is the self-righteous, holier-than-thou badgering of the poor girl, bombarding her with a plethora of questions that have absolutely no meaning now that she is no more. “Why didn’t you speak to your mother (instead of leaving a video address for her before committing suicide”? “If your husband cheated on you and ditched you, why didn’t you look past him and move on?” “Was suicide the only option?” And the unkindest cut; “What kind of a journalist are you, if you can’t handle your own affair?” It is as if a journalist is not a human being – with all the failings and frailties of a human being – but a Superman (or Superperson, to be gender correct).
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Apart from being grossly insensitive, such questions betray a disgusting attempt to play a new age Dale Carnegie (or a Shiv Khera, if you like them ‘desi’); a desire to position themselves as sane, well-rounded persons with a strong will power, in sharp contrast to the insane, immature and weak-willed person who committed suicide. As any psychologist would tell you, there are times and circumstances when even a perfectly normal and strong-willed person can commit suicide. Let us not forget that even Adolf Hitler, the man who had delusions of ruling the whole world, had also committed suicide after his dreams crashed in the wake of the Second World War. For all his other failings, even his enemies would never accuse Hitler of being a ‘weak-willed’ person, would they? I have seen a very close relative commit suicide within hours of his marriage – by throwing himself before a running train, just like Madhumita - after escaping unnoticed from the bride’s place. And till date, no one really knows what was the trigger for this astounding act!
The mind – and the heart – are inscrutable, no-go areas where no outsider has an access. What happens inside those confined spaces at a particular moment is something that is still a matter of study even after millennia. What makes it particularly difficult is the fact that there are no generalizations possible. Each person is unique and different people respond differently to the same kind of situation. Every person in Madhumita’s place may not have reacted to the heartbreak of an infidel husband or chosen the same extreme course she opted for. Especially in matters of heart, things like reason and logic become completely irrelevant. And hence, questions like “Why did she fall for a man who was already married?” “How come she didn’t know about her husband’s philandering ways even after five years of courtship?” “If her husband cheated on her, why didn’t she desert her and move on?” are entirely pointless. I have seen a perfectly sensible young girl fall for a man twice her age – and with no less then six children, to boot! – and stick to him for the rest of her life. So, let’s stop being judgmental and prescribe do’s and don’ts for persons in love. Love is an intensely personal matter and it’s best it stays that way.
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Let’s not put Madhumita on trial posthumously and make it all the more difficult for her near and dear ones still grieving over her death and trying to come to terms with her loss. Let us feel the pain inside us and confine ourselves to wishing her ‘Rest in Peace’ – or RIP, as they say in the age of social media.
(DISCLAIMER: This is an opinion piece. The views expressed are the author’s own and have nothing to do with OTV’s charter or views. OTV does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.)
