One of the key attributes of a successful politician is the ability to say something in public while meaning something entirely different. Thus, when BJD President and Chief Minister Naveen Patnaik says on the eve of the winter session of the Assembly “We are ready to discuss any issue that the Opposition may raise,” what he really means is; “We are ready to foil any discussion in the House on issues that might embarrass us.” Or, when an Opposition leader says “We shall hold a peaceful and democratic protest”, s/he actually means “We shall make every effort to violate democratic norms and indulge in violence … till the police (or the marshal) steps in and stops us!”
There is a standard, time-honoured ‘politicianspeak’ for nearly every situation that a politician may confront. Here is a list of particular situations and the responses they evoke from politicians of all hues.
Situation: After losing an election
What the politician says: The ruling party won the election by using ‘money and muscle power’
What s/he actually means: “I wish we had more money and muscle power than the ruling party.”
Situation: When rapped on the knuckles by the court
What the politician says: Let us first study the judgment
What s/he actually means: I am too embarrassed to react
Situation: When confronted with a serious charge
What the politician says: The law will take its own course
What s/he actually means: I will make sure that the law will never take its course
Situation: When facing a serious charge in court
What the politician says: I have full faith in the judiciary
What s/he actually means: I have full faith in my team of lawyers
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Situation: When exonerated by a court
What the politician says: I have been vindicated
What s/he actually means: My battery of lawyers was better than yours
Situation: When campaigning during an election
What the politician says: I will work for the poor and the down-trodden
What s/he actually means: I will make sure that the poor and the down trodden remain poor and down trodden so that they continue to elect me
Situation: When caught with his/her pants/panties down in a sting operation
What the politician says: The tape is doctored
What s/he actually means: Who is the bast... who did this to me? And how could I be so naïve?
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Situation: When confronted with a serious allegation
What the politician says: My conscience is clear
What s/he actually means: I do not have a conscience to be bothered by such allegations
Situation: When laying the foundation stone for an industry
What the politician says: The plant will bring prosperity for the local people
What s/he actually means: This plant will bring prosperity for the industry, me and my party and misery for the local people
Situation: When asking for a salary hike
What the politician says: Do you know how much an MLA/MP has to spend to ‘attend to’ his constituency?
What s/he actually means: If I reveal how much I have to spend to ‘attend to’ my constituency, the income tax people will be after me.
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Situation: When caught on camera hobnobbing with shady characters
What the politician says: As a politician, I keep meeting so many people every day. Is it possible to verify the antecedents of everybody?
What s/he actually means: The next time, I will be more careful.
Situation: When faced with a no confidence motion
What the politician says: I have the support of the majority in the House
What s/he actually means: I have all the money and I am sure I can buy the required number of votes to prove my majority in the House
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Situation: When faced with a scandal
What the politician says: My life is an open book
What s/he actually means: My life is an open book, with the crucial pages torn off!
[Post Script: This is only a representative and not an exhaustive list of ‘politicianspeak’. Readers of ‘Scandeep’ are free to add to the list.]